I am disappointed. In all of you.
As someone who was not able to attend D23: The Ultimate Disney Fan Event, I got to experience the thrills from home.
And, of course, the two hottest tickets in town were the Studios and Parks panels held on Friday and Saturday night, respectively.
While the Parks panel went for thrilling announcements, the Studios primarily stuck to their already announced slate.
Fine, fair, cool.
With that in mind, they needed to pull out all the stops for ample flair.
Celebrities and music and trailers and spectacle and excitement.
I get it! When you’re not ready to announce anything, you have to cover it up with some glitter and rhinestones.
This resulted in varying degrees of success.
Even if reception wasn’t profusely positive, the release of trailers is always a milestone moment for a film’s release.
That worked!
However, in some cases, an extra sense of “umph” is needed to get the audience, and thus, those following along at home, stoked for what’s to come.
In the case of the upcoming Marvel Television series Agatha All Along, they decided to deliver both.
The first official trailer debuted to near universal excitement and acclaim.
Witches? In my Marvel Cinematic Universe? I’d like to see it.
Then, unprovoked, the entire cast came onto the stage of the Honda Center to perform a new song from the upcoming Disney+ original.
“The Ballad of the Witches Road” was the perfect amount of creepy and ethereal.
The cast sang, people shared, and the world continued to turn.
Like the hourglass of time, these are the days of our lives.
The way culture, specifically the Disney community, moved on from the performance?
Deserving of jail time.
The cast is, of course, stacked for the upcoming series?
But you know who’s in the show?
You know who was on that stage singing?
You know who immediately had to leave in order to rehearse her new Broadway show?
PATTI LUPONE.
Three-time Tony Award winner Patti LuPone performed at D23 and not a single one of you cared.
What did she ever do to deserve this disgusting and abhorrent treatment?!
She sang to wash away your sins!
Evita. Mama Rose. Joanne.
Tony. Tony. Tony.
She is theatre.
She is NYC.
She is the epitome of talent, the likes of which we’ll never see again.
You all didn’t care?!
We have LuPone in a Disney-owned property and you don’t care?!
I give everyone the benefit of the doubt for ignoring her work in Disney Jr.’s Vampirina.
‘Cause…sure.
Yet, Agatha All Along and this D23 performance?
Miss LuPone in the flesh.
Singing.
SINGING.
Like, I’m rather disgusted and appalled.
So, let this be a lesson to all of you:
If the LuPone hype train doesn’t roll down the tracks come the show’s debut in September?
Well…let’s just say my hex is going to be worse than Westview.