I’ve solved it. I don’t need applause, I just ask for a lifetime supply of Surly Sarlaccs from Docking Bay 7) for my work.
Ever since D23: The Ultimate Disney Fan Event, the discourse around the Disney Parks presentation and their variety of announcements has been, dare I say, insufferable. I’m becoming a bit fed up, to be completely honest. No one can stay calm. Every announcement or change leads to an abundance of monologues about the sanctity of the park experience, the necessity for certain vistas, and the overwhelming anger at anything going away. Nostalgia is a gnarly drug and, at this point in time, it’s working to villainize those who are happy.
With this piece of Grand Ave.-adjacent concept art, the discourse became BONKERS.
So, I did the work. I’ve set out to make everyone content. The moment Monstropolis was announced for Disney’s Hollywood Studios, the crowds roared in the Honda Center and online. That is, until fans started to try and deduce where the new expansion would be going. Then, the vitriol began. No matter the possible plot of land Monstropolis would overtake, people were livid.
During this time, I tuned it all out and got to work. I pulled out blueprints and started to put pen to paper. Now, I am thrilled to announce that I have solved it and have created a plan to make everyone happy.
Monstropolis is (seemingly) a large-scale project. Based on initial concept art and plans, this is set to be another entry into the theme park world’s need for immersive lands. Alongside a major new roller coaster concept, the art shows us the Monsters Inc. building, Harryhausen’s sushi restaurant, and a multitude of facades bringing guests into the world of Monstropolis. Wonderful. Great. Amazing.
Clearly, they need space. Based on other “immersive” themed lands that Disney has created and championed across the globe, the land will likely include a second attraction of some kind as well. (Usually something small-scale, a la a flat ride or show.) So, again, space is key.
Muppets has gotta go, but take a breath before you start screaming.
What I’m proposing is demolishing Grand Ave. and the lightly themed Muppets area we see right now. (Calm down and stop screaming.)
Some concept art led us to believe that Grand Ave. is a possibility for the area’s placement and, frankly, it makes sense. Not only is the space available for cohesion, but so is the opportunity to utilize pre-existing infrastructure. This would include the possibility of Mama Melrose turning into the aforementioned Harryhausen restaurant. Also, for the sack of my sanity, this plan would include gutting Star Tours and placing it within the confines of this new land.
In the year of our lord (George Lucas) 2024, there is no reason Disney’s Hollywood Studios should have Star Wars spread about the park so haphazardly. This could mean taking this existing motion simulator system and creating a Monstropolis themed attraction for guests of all ages or gutting the building to create an indoor flat ride. As we all know (but everyone loves to whine about), the parks not only need capacity, but attractions without height requirements. Let’s do it, folks!
Now, stay with me, but as a part of this process, Star Wars Launch Bay would also be demolished. I can already hear the discourse going “Why take away the historical buildings where Brother Bear was animated?!” and frankly, I don’t care. I feel like Paula Poundstone’s character in Inside Out, ‘cause FORGET IT!
The El Capitan marquee could become key inspiration for a new theatrical hub at DHS.
With the space open within the current Animation Courtyard, the area could now be lightly rethemed to a theatrical hub. This new “Theatre Courtyard” would take inspiration from famous Los Angeles marquees to create a space dedicated to the theater. The Little Mermaid – A Musical Adventure and Disney Jr. Dance Party would remain, with only the outside facades changing to create a greater cohesion. From there, the gutted Launch Bay space would allow for a new, 3D theater to be built which would house, say it with me, Muppet Vision 3D. This allows The Muppets to remain in the park with a place of prominence, while also allowing for a brand new theater and theatrical hub within Disney’s Hollywood Studios. (If so inclined, take a bulldozer to One Man’s Dream and turn the current theater into another theatrical space for guests to enjoy a show).
With this plan, everyone is happy. We gain two new themed lands, a greater cohesion to all spaces, and I get the added benefit of pretty marquees.
You’re welcome.