A gay cruise. The Odyssey is welcoming aboard a gay cruise. Of course, that can only mean one thing: threesomes are at the heart of the episode. Nothing like a heavy handed slap in the face from Ryan Murphy on a Thursday night, am I right?
Captain Massey begins the episode with a crash course in queer terminology (bears, twunks, mother, etc.) using flashcards. Whoever is producing these flashcards should be tried in a court of law. It all felt like the American Idol “Wig” moment. This isn’t for you to academically learn? Almost immediately, Doctor Odyssey is trying too hard this episode and I can’t take it!
Massey’s brother (John Stamos) boards the boat and introduces his new lover(s). Captain Massey is the most heterosexual anyone can be, so he’s a bit confused by the throuple involving his sibling, but his open-minded nature and love for his brother conquers all. Huzzah! Allyship! Yas qween mama slay! The trio met during their journey towards sobriety, adding an extra level of commitment.
Also on board are a pair of travel influencers [barfs] who bring their own food on board. Nothing like a diet of homemade sweet potatoes to make you go “Wait, why are we paying full price for this cruise if we aren’t even eating what’s provided?” Bob the Drag Queen kicks off the first night in the dining room with a surprise lip sync performance of “HOTTOGO” and the queers are living. That is, until Bob goes and lights her wig on fire by leaning into a candle.
After being rushed to the infirmary, Bob is luckily only left with aesthetic scars on her head. Unfortunately, drag is all aesthetics, so she’s gutted at her livelihood being thrown for a loop. In typical Doctor Odyssey fashion, we never return to her for the rest of the episode. We have other garbage to get to, huntys!
The influencer duo decides to attend a “Daddy” dancing and yoga class, because of course. They are on the same beach that every other excursion is inexplicably on, which makes me wonder if this is a Castaway Cay situation and the Odyssey has a private island? Regardless, one of them faints mid hip rotation and is rushed back on board into the infirmary. Soon after, his boyfriend also starts showing symptoms of a mysterious illness. There’s vomiting and skin rashes that lead Tristan and Avery to believe this is a pandemic-level illness. Likely due to his COVID past, Dr. Bankman doesn’t want to agree with the theory just yet.
RIght before the trio of medical professionals are set to cut into one of the patients, it’s revealed their sweet potato diet. Add in some gay cruise hookups and the pair actually are experiencing the effect of too much carotene (from the sweet potatoes) and mono. Cute couple alert!
The stressed nature of the medical trio also bleeds into their relationship. At the end of last week’s episode, a threesome brought a bit of fun to the dynamic. At first, all three were on board to keep this throuple alive. Yet, after the influencer diagnosis and head butting, Dr. Bankman explains how he’s not up for it. He is someone who enjoys monogamy, which is fair. Avery still yearns for the fun of the other night, so she eggs on Tristan to try and sway Bankman into coming back into this triangle.
Meanwhile, Captain Massey’s brother has seemingly relapsed. He’s showing signs of inebriation, all the while his boyfriends are trying to calm him and lead him back into the sober life. After a nasty bashing of the head, the toxicology report shows that his blood alcohol level deems him drunk. Captain Massey, being the good brother he is, listens to his sibling’s claims and searches his room for answers. In fact, he was telling the truth. An acid reflux medication was leading him to experience auto-brewery syndrome, where the medication was being turned into ethanol in his body. Kooky crazy!
Tristan also laments to Avery, through an awful tikka masala chip metaphor, that he can’t share Avery. In fact, he realizes that he loves her and wants her all for himself. Monogamy is king, baby! The hunties are serving!
Captain’s Orders:
- You cannot bring your own, pre-made food on board a cruise ship unless medically required. There is now way two queens on a cleanse could get on sweet potatoes.
- Relatedly, in what world would a live flame be placed on a cruise ship piano? Make it make sense!
- The budget this episode was spent on the Chappel Roan and Diana Ross music choice and, for that, I am grateful.
- I’m still not over the flashcards. Flashcards?!