Guest Relations
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Facial Hair and Love

In the world of politics, the issue is whether Al Gore or George W. Bush will be elected as the next president.

In the world of sports, the issue is whether the NFL will have enough players next season after so many have gotten arrested in the offseason.

In the world of entertainment, the issue is whether Issac Hayes will ever re-appear after dry ice engulfed him at the Oscars.

Only in the world of Disney can the main issue at hand be facial hair.

In a move akin to announcing that Mickey Mouse would star in an R-rated animated film, Disney has rescinded its long policy forbidding cast members to wear facial hair.

Next thing you know, the characters in the park will be able to take off their heads in front of children to get air.

The reaction to the move by many has been the same "Say it isn't so" reaction you always get when a longtime tradition is changed.

Most surprising is that the move comes at a time where facial hair just isn't very popular. You would have thought it would have come in the 1970s, when facial hair was as big as bell-bottoms.

Just think of the big names among male celebrities right now. Kevin Spacey, Leo DiCaprio, Denzel Washington. Not a stache among them (Though Washington grew one for "The Hurricane," but the movie took place in the 70s).

I tried a mustache for a brief period two years ago. After managing to sand wood with my mouth and eating like a whale with baleen, I got rid of it. No offense to those who do sports mustaches, but they're just not very hip right now.

That leads to Disney's decision coming at just the right time where it really won't have that much of an impact. Traditionalist fans may cry, but there won't be a huge drove of cast members suddenly throwing away their razors.

The best news was that while mustaches are no longer forbidden, that doesn't mean the Don Johnson look will make its comeback on Disney World grounds anytime soon. Disney didn't completely kick out tradition, as facial hair besides mustaches are still banned. Show up for your tour of duty at the Alien Encounter looking like an alien and you'll end up on sweeper duty.

The relaxing of the rule doesn't mean a relaxing of the clean-cut image. As people are quick to say, Walt Disney himself sported a stache. Perhaps Uncle Walt just wanted to stand out among his cast members.

In any case, the legalization of mustaches isn't going to be the end of the squeaky-clean Disney we all love. Turning the Golden Horseshoe into a strip bar? Now, that would do it.

Follow the Bricks: Disneyland is about to catch up and do something that has been a feature of the other Disney park for some time.

Bricks.

At last, Disneyland fans will be able to have their names in lights, or rather stenciled in brick, before entering the park.

For those having trouble trying to figure out what they're going to put on their brick.

How about "Ouch!" or "You're stepping on my brick!"

If that doesn't work, there's always "Watch where you're stepping" or go the Haunted Mansion route with "Light Magic R.I.P., you were no sight to be seen."

Giant Over Disney: Growing up with the quality of feature-length Disney animation, I have usually avoided non-Disney animated motion pictures.

For that reason, I missed The Iron Giant when it was in the theaters. If it's not Disney, it's just another Saturday morning cartoon.

I finally came around recently to seeing the Warner Brothers animated feature, on a rented DVD, no less.

I expected animation "not as good as Disney," story "not as good as Disney" and payoff "not as good as Disney."

Dare I say it? What I saw proved to be, as good, if not better, than Disney. It made me regret my decision not to see it in the theaters. It was the best animated movie of the previous year. Yes, even better than Toy Story 2.

Before decrying me as sacrilegious for praising a non-Disney animated movie, hear me out.

While not artistic, the animation was fluid and conveyed the emotions extremely well. However, what really set it apart was its storyline. It was the kind of movie that left you saying "Wow."

After all, as good as the animation always is in Disney films, it's always the story that makes the films classics. That was certainly the case with the three Pixar ventures. That's certainly the case with Pinochio, Beauty and the Beast or your favorite Disney film.

I didn't think there was a way I could fall in love with an animated movie made last year like I did with Toy Story 2. Yet, for some reason, I loved The Iron Giant more.

That's not to say that Disney is falling behind. It's only to say that once in a while, Disney doesn't have a monopoly on great movies.

For those, like me, who missed it in the theater, I just gave you the idea for your movie rental this weekend.

Something Disney Fans Would Like to See: The Emperor's New Groove be something more than David Spade playing his tired old Saturday Night Live character again.

Something Disney Fans Would Not Like to See: "Snow White's New Groove."

On Fire: After all the endless Internet rumors, there will be no Fire Mountain at Disney World's Magic Kingdom after all.

It seems like an always-hot topic on the Disney fan sites is, "When will the theme parks build another E-Ticket ride?"

It goes on ad nauseum. "Build Fire Mountain!" "Build Villain Mountain!" "Oh, just build some mountain!"

What people are forgetting is that it's not the E-Tickets that make a Disney park, it's the Ds, Cs, Bs and As as well. If anything, in trying to compete with their theme park opponents, Disney may have been putting too much an emphasis on E-tickets.

However, E-tickets are the only thing a Six Flags park usually has to offer. Disney parks always offer so much more. That's why we get season passes and keep coming back.

I'm more eager to see more A, B, C and Ds out of Imagineering before I see another E.

D-Trade: This has been a magic time at Disney ... for its stockholders.

In case you don't follow the market, Disney stock has been going through the roof, namely because investors feel that Disney has secured its financial ship again.

Hopefully, the financial downturn of the past for the company taught Michael Eisner and the higher-ups to stick to what Disney does best. Namely, its entertainment and theme park businesses.

This time around, I wouldn't expect to see Disney make any high-profile buys. That makes rumors of the company buying Universal or Yahoo seem far-fetched.

It seems more likely that they will build an audio-animatronic Regis Philbin so that Who Wants to Be a Millionaire can be on everyday ... forever.

What if It Was a Disney Movie: Oscar winner American Beauty would simply be a modern-day retelling of Black Beauty, with Britney Spears befriending a horse. In an on-set accident that makes headlines, Spears is rushed to the plastic surgeon after getting kicked by the horse.

A Personal Note: Guest Relations is going on hiatus for a month.

You see, I'm getting married in a week.

One of the most popular quotes in sports history came the day a fragile Lou Gehrig stood before throngs of fans at Yankee Stadium and declared that he "was the luckiest man on the face of the Earth."

Some people wondered how a man counting the last days of his existence can consider himself lucky. They didn't see Lou looking into the eyes of his teammates, the cheering fans and his loving wife. He saw love, and that made him feel lucky.

On April 8, Felisa Carter will become Felisa Reed. At that moment, I will feel like the luckiest man on the face of the Earth.

Love has always been at the heart of most Disney films, whether it be Sleeping Beauty and her prince, Beauty and her Beast or Tarzan and Jane. Sometimes, love seems corny or silly to people. They don't know what they missing.

With hopefully no offense taken by Doobie and Rebekah Moseley, or Rick and Venus West or anyone else out there who has found that true reason for living, but I like to think that I am with the most wonderful woman in the world.

If that isn't being the luckiest man on the face of the Earth, I don't know what is.

Until next time ... Hey! The next time I'll be married!

Related Links

• December 3, 1999 Guest Relations
  The story of Chris' romantic proposal

The opinions expressed by Chris Reed, and all of our columnists, do not necessarily represent the feelings of LaughingPlace.com or any of its employees or advertisers. All speculation and rumors about the future of Disneyland and the Walt Disney Company are just that - speculation and rumors - and should be treated as such.

-- Posted March 31, 2000