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An Epic Battle

A battle of epic proportions is brewing. A battle that could rival the greatest conflicts known to man, whether they are the Trojans against the Spartans, the North versus South and Nancy Kerrigan against Tonya Harding.

Disney versus Time Warner.

You won't need to order it on pay-per-view. At stake, however, is your ability to view Disney shows and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

The battle is over Disney wanting an end to Time Warner Cable charging an extra fee to customers for the Disney Channel. As far as Disney is concerned, you should get the Disney Channel like you get the Food Channel, not like how you get HBO.

Time Warner answers back that to do so would cause an increase in operating costs and an increase in the cable bill of its customers. It's real tough to turn that scramble switch off.

In turn, Disney is now using ABC as leverage. They are threatening not to allow Time Warner to show ABC stations on its cable systems.

That means that if you're a Time Warner customer, you will find only static where you used to see ABC and Disney. Disney has put a deadline of this Sunday for Time Warner to make up their minds, though don't expect Disney to pull the ABC plug until after May sweeps.

My hunch is that Disney has Regis Philbin doing the negotiating, calling Time Warner executives saying, "Is that your final answer?"

The battle is yet another example of what's detrimental about the current trend where there are hundreds of more channels, but only three or four companies running the show. It's multimedia with singular vision.

In the end, it's tough to find anyone to cheer for in this battle. Time Warner are lying to the public when they say it is a great cost for them to put Disney on basic cable and Disney is irresponsible for using ABC as television blackmail.

Kind of like trying to cheer for a winner in a battle between the evil queen from Snow White and Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty

In the end, this battle will have a winner, but it seems like the viewer loses out in any case.

I'm Back: You know that line from When You Wish Upon a Star. The one that simply says, "Dreams come true?"

That's what my wedding was like. Thank you to all who passed along the best wishes. May your dreams come true as well.

I'm Going to ... Universal?: A couple of writers and I were on a conference call the other day with Nicole Kubik, who had just been chosen as the top draft pick of the Women's NBA Los Angeles Sparks. Kubik is a native of Nebraska who had previously visited Southern California one time for about two days.

I asked her what tourist attractions had she visited while here.

"Just one," she said. "Universal Studios."

Wouldn't you know it, there was actually a collective groan among the writers. "Not Disneyland? one said.

To a native of these parts, saying that you went to Universal ahead of Disneyland is akin to saying you decided to check out Studio City instead of Hollywood or that you're a fan of the Clippers, not the Lakers.

I'm sure it's the same way in Orlando.

And Now, This Message: Anyone who has purchased a DVD can tell you that you'll never use a VCR again once you get one.

There are a couple of reasons ... The clear picture and sound, the extra features, the deleted scenes and you don't need to sit through those annoying commercials just before the movie.

At least, you didn't until Disney came out with its Tarzan DVD.

There they are. Uninvited advertising. And you can't even skip through it. [Ed Note: You can skip through it by using the "Next" button to quickly move through the commercials, but the "Menu" button people are used to using doesn't work]

Disney was already on the short fuse to a lot of people for taking so long to come out with movies in the DVD format. This didn't help.

Something Disney Fans Would Like to See: A direct-to-video sequel for Tarzan.

Something Disney Fans Would Not Like to See: A direct-to-video sequel for The Black Cauldron.

Disneyland Debate: With the advent of merchandise events like the Haunted Mansion and Pirates nights at Disneyland, the Annual Passport Holder Party has seemed to be set aside.

This has led to the debate on which kind of event people prefer.

I go into this debate with a bias. I purchased my first annual pass a year ago with the knowledge provided by passholder friends of mine of these "great passholder events." It just figured that once I joined the club, they took down the clubhouse.

I know, however, that these new events have been a huge success. At least, if you didn't mind putting up a week's pay to be a part of it.

Can't there be a happy medium? Who says that they can't do both?

The folks at Disneyland even have a big reason this summer to hold a Passholder Party. Wouldn't you like to be the first to test drive the new Autopia SUV?

We won't even mind that it's a bigger gas-guzzler than the other cars.

Another Great Debate: I know. You've heard it a thousand times.

Why does Goofy talk and Pluto not, when they're both dogs?

I heard it again the other day, which led to a thought. How come nobody ever questions why a mouse, duck and cat are all talking? Kind of makes the other question moot.

What If It Was a Disney Movie: The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas would be ... would be.

Wait a second. Disney could never base a live action feature on a cartoon with terrible animation and a laugh track.

Until next time ... Single life is overrated, marriage is cool!