Jim Hill
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Who exactly is "the leader of the band" these days?
As Jim Hill gets back up to speed following a nasty summer cold, he wonders why the Walt Disney Company doesn't seem to be doing any advance planning anymore.

Normally, I am a pretty healthy fellow.

After all, we Hills come from hardy New England stock. Which means that I'm usually the type of guy who -- to borrow a line from 1974's "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" -- says that it's "Just a flesh wound" when my arm gets hacked off.

But last week, the pollen count up here in New Hampshire just went off the scale. 20 bazillion particles per square inch. Or something like that. Which meant that -- since I seem to be developing a medium sized case of asmatha in my old age -- my nose & throat quickly closed up. Which meant that I suddenly had to learn how to breath using only my ears & my forehead.

Naturally, this made it pretty damned difficult to do much of anything last week. Particularly writing.

Thankfully, that crisis has finally passed. The pollen seems to have packed up & moved on over the weekend. Which means that I'm once again able to breath without sounding like a wheezing sump pump.

(My apologies to those of you who may be reading this while eating your breakfast.)

Anyway -- now that I can breath again -- I can get back to doing fun stuff. Like cranking out columns for LaughingPlace.com. So what did I miss while I was away, wheezing?

Hmmmn .... Well, word came out of the Mouse House late last week that the Walt Disney Company is actively looking for ways to liven up Lake Buena Vista's waterfront shopping and dining district. Rumor has it that the Mouse is casting about for some highly visible attraction -- something that could even be seen from out on I-4 -- that would really compel tourists to come visit Downtown Disney.

Well, if this were the old Walt Disney Company (a corporation that prided itself on being the acknowledged leader of the themed entertainment industry), this is just the sort of challenge that Mickey used to live for. Which was why the Mouse would have probably put a team of their top Imagineers on the Lake Buena Vista project. Which was why the guys at WDI would have probably cooked up some sort of one-of-a-kind attraction that would have really put Downtown Disney back on the map.

Of course, the problem with the above scenario is that it would have probably have cost the Mouse a ton of money. And given that Mickey's pretty tight with a buck these days ... Well, there's just no way that the current Disney management team would ever agree to let WDI take on a project like that now. Instead, the cost conscious executives who are currently running the Mouse House cracked open a catalog and ordered up a SlingShot.

And what -- pray tell -- is a SlingShot? This is one of those extreme thrill ride contraptions that you may have seen towering over International Drive or Orlo Bronson Highway. A bungee-based attraction which -- for $20 - $25 a pop -- sends tourists soaring over 300 feet into the air at 100 MPH.

Sure, SlingShot sounds exciting. But -- with over 70 of these intense attractions already in operation at hot tourism spots around the globe -- it's hardly something you'd call unique.

But let's face facts, folks. Being unique doesn't really seem to matter much to Disney executives anymore. But being profitable does.

Which is why -- provided that the soil and foundation tests that were done at water's edge at Lake Buena Vista late last month turn out okay -- SlingShot could be entertaining WDW visitors as early as the Summer of 2002. Tossing tourists high into the sky over Downtown Disney.