Toon Talk: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
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Toon Talk: Disney Film and DVD Reviews
by Kirby C. Holt

 

 

Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides Walt Disney Pictures MPAA Rating: PG-13

Yo Ho-Hum

By the time a successful film franchise hits the fourth installment, a certain formula has usually settled in. In the case of Disney�s hit�Pirates of the Caribbean�movies, such by-now familiar aspects include a complex plot steeped in legendary pirate lore, a rogues� gallery of mythical and/or magical characters, enough double crosses and double-double crosses to make your eyes cross, and plenty of swashbuckling stunts and special effects spectacle.

All that, as well as Johnny Depp�s swarthy, swishy Captain Jack Sparrow, are on hand in�Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, in theaters now. Gone are original trilogy director Gore Virbinski and lovebirds Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley. In their place are Academy Award nominated director Rob Marshall (of the glitzy and gritty musicals�Chicago�and�Nine�fame) and a love interest for Captain Jack himself, played by Oscar winning actress Pen�lope Cruz.

But even with this mixture of old and new blood,�On Stranger Tides�is curiously lacking in excitement, as if we�ve all rode this E ticket too many times to care much any more.

This�Pirates�sure tries though, beginning promisingly with a quest to find the fabled Fountain of Youth. Apparently, everyone is out to find it, including the entire Spanish armada and England�s royal navy, somehow now commanded by a now peg-legged Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush). Also in hot pursuit: the infamous Blackbeard (Deadwood�s Ian McShane), joined by his feisty long-lost daughter Angelica (Cruz), who naturally shares a tumultuous past with our Jack.

Fulfilling the �creature quotient� this go round is a school of (literally) man-hungry mermaids, needed plot wise to complete the ritual of eternal youth. With seagull-like shrieks and piranha-like teeth, these gals are a far cry fromThe Little Mermaid�(and a chief reason why this film is rated PG-13... they�re scary!). An �Ariel and Eric�-type love story -- between a young captive mermaid (Astrid Berges-Frisbey) and a handsome missionary man (newcomer -- and future Prince Charming -- Sam Claflin) -- is tacked on, presumably to fill the �young lovers� gap left by the absence of Bloom and Knightley.

Also thrown in the mix are some �zombiefied� henchmen, a shrunken Black Pearl and Gibbs (Kevin McNally), Captain Jack�s second in command and the only other holdover from the first three�Pirates�movies (we miss you, Ragetti and Pintel!). Sharp-eyed viewers will also note a nod to the classic Disneyland attraction that inspired all this (think treasure) as well as a couple of star cameos (one�s a dad, the other�s a Dame).

So why, with all this, isn�t�On Stranger Tides�more fun? Several reasons actually, chiefly its convoluted story, a legacy carried over from the franchise�s previous installments. (And it doesn�t help that a lot of the exposition is delivered in the midst of loud action sequences and/or by heavily-accented supporting players.) Weak characterization is also to blame. For example, we are told that Blackbeard is �the pirate that all other pirates fear�, but we sure never see that with McShane�s rather bland performances (I�ll take Peter Ustinov in Disney�sBlackbeard�s Ghost�instead). There is also an extreme (and extremely odd) lack of chemistry between Cruz and Depp that makes their many banter-heavy scenes drag. In fact, the whole movie drags. At 137 minutes, it is the shortest of the four films but sure feels like the longest.

On Stranger Tides proves that it is high time these�Pirates�were put in dry dock.

• Lightning McQueen returns (with Mater�in tow) for Pixar�s�Cars 2�(Disney, June 24).
• Deep in the Hundred Acre Wood��Winnie the Pooh�is back in theaters July 15.