Jim Hill
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How could the Muppets possibly top a scene that puts you right in the middle of an epic space battle? How about a scene where Kermit & Co. make fun of the Mouse?

Picture -- if you will -- that your theater car now rolls on to a soundstage where the nursery set from Disney's 1953 animated classic, "Peter Pan," has been lovingly recreated down to the last detail. As we arrive, Peter has just taught the Darling children that when "you think of the happiest things, it's the same as having wings."

Only these aren't exactly the characters as we remember seeing them in Disney's animated classic. Sure, the costumes look the same. Only ... Since when is Peter Pan played by Kermit the Frog? Wendy by Janice (the girl singer from the Muppet's house band, Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem)? The be-spectacled and top-hatted John is played by Scooter. And -- dressed in footie pajamas and clutching a teddy bear -- Fozzie Bear plays Michael.

Each of these Muppet characters hang from painfully obvious flying rigs, wires which are secured to elaborate pulley rigs which dangle down from the ceiling of the soundstage. Rat technicians high above tend to these rigs, which allow Kermit, Janice, Scooter & Fozzie to gently bob up and down in the air.

But wait! Didn't Tinker Bell play an important part in the "You Can Fly" number in Disney's version of "Peter Pan"? Sure she did. Which is why the Muppet's grand dame -- Miss Piggy -- has strapped on a pair of wings & squeezed herself into a tiny spangly green gown to try & play the flying fairy.

Only -- in poor Miss Piggy's case -- there have obviously been some problems with her flying rig. As the hog sized holes in the scenery can attest to, the crew seems to have had trouble controlling this over-sized sprite once she gets up in the air. As our theater car goes 'round the corner, we see that there's about a half dozen rats along with Sweetums -- straining to hang on to Miss Piggy's control rope as she swoops through the air.

With Miss Piggy screaming at Gonzo to get her down, our theater car moves on ...

You see? The Muppet Movie Ride would have been a comic triumph. A real break-through for the Disney theme parks. An attraction that was just as ambitious as "Pirates of the Caribbean" and "The Haunted Mansion." But funny.

But -- after clearing a huge parcel of land right next door to Disney / MGM's New York Street for the massive show building -- the Muppet Movie Ride project stalled during the summer of 1990. Why? Same reason as before. Jim's untimely death in May of 1990 had thrown a monkey wrench into the whole Henson / Disney plan. So -- just to play it safe -- Disney Company officials temporarily (or so they thought) put a hold on construction of the Muppet Movie Ride.

So -- even though site prep for the Disney / MGM attraction had actually been completed -- Disney's construction crews didn't go forward with pouring the concrete footings for the show building. Had they stuck to the project's original construction schedule, WDW guests would have been able to start enjoying the Muppet Movie Ride in the Spring of 1993.

Depressing to think about, isn't it? Wait. It gets worse.

Of course, with two great Muppet-themed attractions within 100 feet of one another, it stands to reason that Muppet Studios deserved a great Muppet-themed restaurant. Well, the building that was supposed to have housed this particular eatery actually did get built. It was thrown up -- along with the "Stage 1 Company Store" and the "It's a Wonderful Store" retail areas -- while construction was being completed on the main "Jim Henson's MuppetVision 3D" theater complex.

These days, the restaurant is known as Mama Melrose's Ristorante Italiano. The cobbled-together interior suggests that this building was once a warehouse that some enterprising soul tried to turn into an Italian restaurant. (And a pretty good one at that. My friends and I usually make a point of dining at Mama Melrose whenever we're visiting Disney / MGM. You just can't beat its mix of quirky atmosphere and great cuisine.)

That said, I still miss the restaurant that was originally supposed to be installed in this building. For this is the place that Muppet fans would have killed to be able to eat at: The Great Gonzo's Pandemonium Pizza Parlor.

The backstory for this eatery was simple: Just like Arnold, Bruce & Sly did in the early 1990s, Gonzo & Rizzo decided to go into the celebrity restaurant business. They hired the Swedish Chef to run the kitchen for them. And the rest ... Well, while it wasn't exactly history. But it was still going to be great fun.

The walls of this restaurant -- just like the interior lobby area of "Jim Henson's MuppetVision 3D" -- would have been covered with recreations of props from various Muppet movies. TV monitors would hang down from the support beams of the restaurant. Just like in Planet Hollywood, diners would get to watch clips from various Muppet movies and TV shows. Every so often, there'd be a live broadcast from the kitchen -- where Gonzo & Rizzo would assure that things were going great and that our food would be out shortly.

Only -- based on what was going on in the background of these scenes that were supposed shot in the kitchen -- things were clearly *NOT* going great. We'd watch as lobster banditos escaped from their pots and held the wait staff hostage, or observe as the Swedish Chef was suddenly attacked by a very large -- and very lively -- mound of pizza dough. Better yet, we'd watch as Carmella was suddenly sucked up into the exhaust fan over the stove, then watch as Gonzo climbed in after her. Then -- out in the main room of the restaurant -- we'd laugh because we could hear Gonzo & Carmella in the air conditioning ducts right over our heads, stumbling around in the dark, trying to find one another.

You see? The Great Gonzo's Pandemonium Pizza Parlor -- with its kitchen doors that would occasionally belch open, sending great clouds of smoke and chicken feathers into the dining room -- was going to be a great place to eat while visiting the Muppet Studios section of Disney / MGM.