Suddenly the door swung open and blaze of bright blue and orange flames flashed in front of Michael’s eyes, leaving the Python scorched and dazed.

“Kaa, cut it out or we’ll ship you off to Animal Kingdom to be run over by a tram! Mike, Baby! Good to see you, come in, come in!�? Hades escorted Michael into the room, throwing a blazing stare back at the Croc “Beat it you two bit brief case, you know the Captain gets nervous when you wait outside like that. Scram.�?

“Mikey, sit down, take a load off, somebody get him a scotch. You want something to eat, pastrami, hot wings? I’d recommend the calamari but fatso over there takes offense when we have it on the buffet.�?

“Who are you calling fatso, baldy?�? Ursula hissed as she doused the flames on Hades head.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please! Order, order let’s all come to order!�? The booming authority of a tall and elegant Maleficent echoed across the expanse of what seemed to be an endless table with countless chairs on both sides, each filled with the slimy, slithery, loathsome presence of one celebrated villain after another.

Everyone was in attendance - Lady Tremain, Br’er Fox, Strombolli, Prince John, an ever-shape-shifting Queen-Hag-Queen, and even a rather regal looking Shere Kahn and Scare curled up on either side of a decked out Yzma.

“We’re all here to listen to arguments by our guest in defense of his petition to become a member of our….little club. So let us begin by asking you, Mr. Eisner, to tell us in detail exactly what it is that you’ve done that makes you so deserving of being a true Disney Villain!�?

After an hour of rattling off the litany of offenses with which fans, stockholders, pundits of the press and others had accused him over the years, Michael Eisner finally came to close and sat in silence before the room.

“Well. Indeed. An impressive list..uh…Michael is it?�? asked a dithering Honest John Foulfellow, peering over his bifocals. “Yes, Michael. But in the end, it’s all rather minor and not exactly bad enough to grant your petition for membership.�?

Michael Eisner couldn’t believe what he was hearing “What do you mean that wasn’t bad enough?! The judge in Delaware called me Machiavellian! I didn’t just kick some puppy or threaten some puppet, I took away the identity of the most beloved living relative of Walt Disney! I made the nephew and son of the company’s founder and co-founder into a useless old shoe and kicked him out the door! I dismantled the most accomplished group of animation artists in the history of the industry, crushed their spirit, cut their salaries while taking a bonus so large I could buy my own island, hired visionless MBAs to fill posts creative artists should have held, and ordered them to make movies so forgettable that critics from the four corners of the globe panned them before they were even finished! Heck, I severed ties with the only profitable partner we ever had, I let the most gifted animation writing and directing team in history walk away from my employ at a time we desperately needed their kind of talent, and I even promoted someone who had a career in consumer products to the head of creative development for the division that brands the company’s entire identity, without so much as their ever once having developed a movie or a book or any creative entertainment – just bad merchandise based on someone else’s creativity! Oooooh, and I got paid bonuses to do it!�?

“Yes, Dahling, we know, but you didn’t succeed in killing anything. You wounded it rather badly, but nothing really died because of you. Beside which, you didn’t tell Roy in person, you sent a lackey to tell him. And then he rallied the locals and they practically brought you down to your knees. He’s got a consulting job with the company now, and you don’t even have that! Plus, all the artists you let go walked away with their lives and their talent fully in tact, and then went on to succeed elsewhere. And the few you carelessly left behind in your employ actually accomplished good work that already is showing signs of having come back from the ashes in spite of having nobody that that they admire in a leadership role.�? said Cruella. “At worst all you did was throw away your own talent and the talent of others and put people at the mercy of talentless division presidents who proved more capable of running clothing stores than theme parks.�?

“Your only true crime, Michael, is that you failed to reach your own greatest potential.�? The Minister of Justice spoke deliberately with his arms folded on the table in front of him. “You took what could have otherwise been a great legacy and trashed it. It’s not enough to merely be a self aggrandizing megalomaniac who didn’t know when to quit while you were ahead. Indefensible acts of bad management are not villainy, they’re simply pathetic. “

“Frollo’s right�?, said Jafar, “I’m afraid we’re looking for something that strikes terror in the hearts of small children, not squeals of ‘Mommy who is that man crying alone on the park bench?’�?

“You know, I’m building a house in Malibu that’s putting the landscape at risk and is causing my neighbors to consider protesting�? Michael chimed.

“Pitchforks, torches, riots?�? asked Gaston.

“No. Formal petitions�? replied Eisner.

“oh….*burp* LaFou, get me another ale.�?