Where does this leave everything?

It has left two competing organizations fighting against each other. On one side are the housing developers, a majority of the City Council, and anyone who wants to stick it to Disney and the other Resort businesses for being so successful and daring to make a profit and employ scores of thousands of people. On the other side is Disney, the Chamber of Commerce, and other tourism-based Anaheim Resort businesses.

It’s a mess. Misleading anti-Disney petitions are being put before me when I shop. I get mailers and phone calls from people making Disney out to be some horrible monster that unfairly feeds off of Anaheim (which makes me wonder exactly how much in public services these people have received in comparison to taxes paid). Disney is being portrayed as a bully in the media. The City of Anaheim will have legal bills. Resort workers, trapped in their jobs apparently against their will, can’t find housing nearby that they can afford, and likely still won’t be able to even if these proposed housing developments go through. Some residents are still upset about having a successful tourist destination in their backyard and free fireworks shows in their sky.

And so, with my seven years of public relations experience, fifteen years of operations experience in Disney’s first theme park, and a BA in Thematic Environmental Design, I’m offering my advice to Disney right here. I’m offering it to Disney for free, since apparently other people are more qualified for the positions within the company to which I previously applied.

It’s the only way to make everyone happy. Everyone who matters, anyway.

There was a time when Walt Disney Pictures and Disneyland Park were all that the corporation had, and losing either one would have been too big a blow to the company. But times have changed. Disney has diversified. The corporation owns or has interests in so many different businesses around the world - Walt Disney World Resort, resorts in France, Japan, and Hong Kong; a cruise line and private island; time shares; film labels; animation houses; theatrical productions; music labels; a television network, stations, program production; cable channels; radio networks and stations; websites; interactive games; book and magazine publishing; various consumer products, and more. Disney can easily lose the Disneyland Resort and do just fine.

Sure, Disneyland fans and others with fond memories might be upset at first, but there are now so many other Disney theme parks to choose from, including four other Magic Kingdoms. They’ll get over it. Most people don’t even know the difference between “Disneyland�? and “Disneyworld�? anyway.

The removable “parts�? can be used elsewhere, especially for the numerous other Magic Kingdoms the corporation will open in adopting the Starbuck expansion model. Plus, those institutional investors who own a majority of the company’s stock will be happy, as it is hard to “grow�? a 52-year-old business on land that is close to built-out and has an aging infrastructure, at least at the rates they’d like. This would leave more capital to be invested in new locations, where separate gate revenue can be charged, instead of being used to add attractions to existing parks, where it is hard to prove the direct return on investment. More locations also mean more places for the highly profitable Disney Vacation Club.

It would cost less, after all, to shut down entirely rather then going through all of the trouble and money it will cost to fix California Adventure and build a worthy third theme park.

Those Disneyland Resort Cast Members who are so upset will be liberated from Disney’s tyranny.

The residents won’t have those pesky free fireworks shows or that troublesome tax revenue to deal with, and the new residents who move into the new inside-the-Resort housing won’t have to line up at the City Council to complain about how your third theme park will cramp their lifestyle. Maybe they’ll have enough time to get another job and buy a second home under the take-off path of an airport, so they can go complain about the noise.

The City of Anaheim would have more land for housing, and they could extend Gene Autry Way all the way to Harbor Boulevard.

The State of California won’t have the burden of making sure that your attractions, designed to thrill, are up to the level of “common carriers�? like passenger elevators, which are designed to transport smoothly with as little physical stress as possible. You won’t have to risk paying out millions of dollars to the handful of people who couldn’t handle the G-forces after all.

Anaheim Resort businesspeople might not like the solution, but who cares about them? Aren’t they those greedy people who give high-school dropouts paying jobs but don’t care enough about them to buy them a house and home theater in addition to their pay and benefits? Aren’t they the same ones who heartlessly accommodate non-English speaking employees in their first language? Clearly they are mean people. So they don’t matter.

Here are the general steps to take to transform your traumatizing, troublesome Disneyland Resort into a paradise of additional housing for Anaheim:

1. Remove anything that could be used in existing or future Disney properties – audio-animatronics, ride systems and vehicles, sets, equipment - even just as spare/backups parts, or could be auctioned. Remove or alter any remaining things that are copyrighted and/or distinctly Disney.

2. Convert the hotels into permanent housing.

3. Sell off Downtown Disney to a mall developer.

4. Convert certain buildings, such as the castle and Fantasyland dark rides, Innoventions, the Enchanted Tiki Room, and Haunted Mansion to housing. I’m sure there would be people willing to shell out big bucks to buy those homes.

5. The shop and eatery buildings can probably be turned into generic/chain shopping and dining places. After all, the new residents will need places to eat and shop.

6. Keep the “mountains�?, Tower of Terror, and anything else that might be too costly to tear down – remove what can be moved out of them. You can probably leave Grizzly River Rapids and Paradise Pier pretty much as-is, and let someone some other company buy them and operate them. Splash Mountain can stay a log ride, as long as the theming is pulled out. That is, unless you decide NOT to bring “South of the South�? out of the vault after all, in which case you can leave the characters and music inside.

7. Level everything else, and turn it into housing development pads to sell to housing developers, roads, parks, and bike trails. Housing developers would likely pay a pretty penny to be able to build homes there.

There. According to what I’ve seen, heard, and read, Anaheim would be so much better off.

But then, maybe you’re not ready or willing to give up on Anaheim. I’ll offer an alternative just in case you actually are able to build more in Anaheim, and still want to.