I can’t breathe. I am currently sitting in my room, hyperventilating and listening to Grey’s Anatomy: The Music Event album, trying to compose myself. ABC released their new #TGIT promo and I immediately had a breakdown. Let us all try to absorb the greatness. First, watch the video and cry along with me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2f-vXYRL6g
0:00-0:05: Meredith. Olivia. Annalise. Ellen. Kerry. Viola. They are pouring wine, smiling, loving their life, throwing it at the camera, all while giving the audience a look like “Yes. I am better than you.” I agree. I agree with all of you. I am nothing and y’all are everything.
0:05-0:11: Look at Ellen, as she sits atop her G throne of Shondarificness (it will be in Webster’s by March 2016, I guarantee it.), raising her glass like “I was tired of dealing with Derek too, y’all.” Then, we get Callie (Sara Ramirez, aka the only person in Tony Awards history to thank Claritin when she won her award) dancing, by herself, for a solid 2 seconds. To that I say YAHS. YAHS. YAHS. Now, Maggie (Kelly McCreary) and Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) are dancing in a popcorn shower, something I will be simulating while I’m at my local AMC to see The Good Dinosaur (#Synergy). Jo (Camilla Luddington) and Alex (Justin Chambers) are hugging and loving and I HOPE THEY DECORATE THEIR LOFT STRICTLY FROM Z GALLERIE.
0:11-0:22: Scandal Alert! SCANDAL ALERT! You’ve got Kerry, Jake (Scott Foley, or that guy from Felicity), Quinn (Katie Lowes), and Huck (Guillermo Diaz) walking towards the camera like “Bow Down,” which I then proceeded to do towards my computer screen. Cyrus (Jeff Perry aka married to the casting director aka so unfair, but so okay with it) and Elizabeth (Portia FREAKING De Rossi, aka star of the most underrated show of all-time, Better Off Ted) fighting over popcorn, which I assume is a euphemism for the Chief of Staff position. Let’s quickly take a moment to get excited over the fact that Portia is now a series regular. Kerry and Fitz (Tony Goldwyn) are dancing and loving and imagining themselves in Vermont…wait, that’s just me…whoops (#JamsAndPreserves). Mellie (Bellamy Young) and Scott look on in disgust, then throw their wine at them. Do y’all not remember how that stain on Olivia’s couch was a pain in the butt to deal with?! Do you wanna pay the dry cleaning tab?! Then Abby (Darby Stanchfield) and David (Joshua Malina, aka creator of an incredible Vine) play with a hat and look at the camera and OMG JUST DO IT ALREADY!
0:22-0:29: HTGAWM. HTGAWM. HTGAWM!!!! Viola just smiles and holds that Lady of Justice statue and is like “I have 3 SAG Awards. What did you do last night?” and I am just like “Watch your SAG acceptance speeches because I’m not worthy.” The students all run to the statue, which leads to Asher (Matt McGorry) thrusting and dancing towards it, as if he doesn’t have to take the final. Lady of Justice statue rules don’t apply when filming promos…sorry ’bout ya luck.
0:29-0:35: Ellen! Throws Popcorn! GREY’S ANATOMY LOGO!
Kerry! Throws Wine! SCANDAL LOGO!
Viola! Holds Statue and Creates Shadow? HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER LOGO!
0:35-0:45: Casts dancing in popcorn showers! Casts dancing with each other! Casts lip-synching words to “Can’t Wait for Tonight” by The Hot Damns! Casts making me jealous I’m not them! Casts making me reconsider all of my life choices! Casts making me cry. Casts making me suck thumb.
0:45-0:49: OOOO! Actually something new and fun to come out of this?! I’M INTRIGUED! Last season’s Marcus Walker, aka the activist who was fighting for boy shot by the police and his father, aka Cornelius Smith Jr, aka someone who won ABC’s Digital Talent Competition in 2014, even though he had major TV credits prior (#Bitter), has been upgraded to a series regular (new OPA staffer?!), and he was prominently featured right along side Scott Foley…WITH POPCORN, ‘CAUSE OBVI.
0:49-1:00: The sets they were dancing around spell out #TGIT. The casts wanted to let us know, by dancing around them again, just with shots further away. Keep dancing and throwing wine and throwing popcorn and throwing elegance…I’m totally fine with it!
1:00-Rest of Eternity: I can’t recoup from this. This was me after finishing it (a mixture of the lady in gold and the lady in salmon).
If I could have this promo running constantly in my room via one of those electronic photo frames, attached to my ceiling, so it could lull me to sleep every night, I would. That looped with the time Meredith Grey’s opening monologue talked about my second cousin and I freaked out to a level some might call “clinically insane.”
September 24th. 8pm. ABC. #TGIT is back!