When you’re on the precipice of death, ironically in the same exact way the last Santa passed, what would your first thoughts be? For Scott, the only thing he can consider is “I hope Carol doesn’t remarry.” Brilliant, I say!
After Cal is awoken via a sixth-sense feeling, he rushes to his mother’s side. Scott finally returns to the North Pole trying to play off the accident, but everyone knows what is really happening. These elves are watching him like a hawk, so he can’t avoid the conversation of “Did you almost die out there?”
After the near death experience, Scott decides retirement needs to occur. Luckily, there’s another clause. ALERT THE PRESSES! WE HAVE OUR FOURTH CLAUSE, FOLKS! The Secsuses Clause allows him to find a replacement if he has decided to no longer uphold the mantle of being Santa. An easy out is finally on the table.
At first, Scott wants to keep it in the family. He travels to Florida to offer Charlie (!) the position. Almost immediately, Charlie declines. He’s happy with his life and knows that the North Pole is not conducive to raising children. (Okay, but like, drag him!) Next on Scott’s list is Cal. After he shows the slightest bit of interest, he decides to take Cal for a sleigh driving lesson to see if he has the chops. He does not. He has no chops. He quickly jumps back into his VR world and leaves the Santa possibility behind.
All while this is happening, Simon is making a fool of himself in front of the board. He tries to come back from his abysmal Christmas delivery failure with drones. The drones have incredible comedic timing, as they promptly crash through the window and attack the board members. Drones, they’re just like us!
However, Simon’s name is on everybody’s lips (a la Roxie Hart, minus the murder) as Cal suggests the creator of his VR equipment take on the role of Santa. A change needs to be made, and fast, as Bernard’s (!!) spirit meter hasn’t been this dim since the 14th century. The overall Christmas spirit is as bad as it was during the plague. THE PLAGUE. That ain’t it.
Later, Sandra and Cal are caught sneaking into a restricted area. Scott is disappointed, but he starts to realize that they are just trying to get a peek into the real world. Cal’s VR hasn’t even been video games, it has just been real life scenarios, like mowing a lawn. It’s so wholesome, yet incredibly depressing. At that moment, Scott makes the official call. He’s retiring. Carol lets her hair down, the elves are in a state of shock…and Simon is summoned to the North Pole? Eh.
Fireside Chat:
- Carol removing the hair pins in her Mrs. Claus bun could’ve killed a passerby. The velocity at which they left her hair was chilling.
- Simon is not good at his job. Why are we positioning him as the new Santa? I do not vibe, folks!
- While unlikely, I would love a little cameo from Mother Nature or the Easter Bunny.
- “Oh holy fright” wins for Noel’s best elf exclamation this week.
- I hereby ask that all corporate sectors of the Walt Disney Company ensnare cider o’clock into the daily schedule.