Welcome back my blazing Brunos! After a three-tiered opening with enough fireballs to shut Pitbull up, Latin Night was thrust upon us. No time to chat, let’s get to the dances! BA BA DA BA BA BA BA BA BA DA BA BA!
- Rumer & Val-Salsa: Did Val know it wasn’t time for the 24-hour Fusion Dance Challenge?! Their disco inspired dance had enough Farrah Fawcett wings to make you want to reboot Charlie’s Angels. Or not. Whatever. After Rumer’s “Little Rumer” busted Val’s lip in rehearsal (if you’re picking up what I’m throwing down), their dance began in the odd DWTS Box of Nothingness. One of my Top 2 dances of the night and one of my new favorites of all-time. They were always insync, their musicality was at an all-time high, and her sharpness was superb. Len said it was the best dance of this season, while Julianne wanted more free-ness. This caused the audience to boo, or as Tom put it “A Disco Mob,” which created the image in my head of Donna Summer holding a pitchfork. That is my best mental image EVER. Erin wouldn’t have minded Rumer hitting Val again. Don’t we all kind of agree at least one point during the season? Three 8s and a 9, from Len.
- Charlotte & Keo-Rumba: Here’s the thing, one of the first things Charlotte blamed her dancing on during rehearsal was her dyslexia. I completely understand, but my biggest issue with that was that Meryl never used her dyslexia as an excuse. Not only that, it’s clearly not her dyslexia that’s the problem, it’s the fact that she’s not caring about this competition as much as she needs to. PUT DOWN THE EMAILS AND GIVE ME A RUMBA! Her lines were half good/half bad and my viewing partner stated she never seemed like the focal point of the dance. Julianne was disappointed and told her to not be afraid to get calluses on her feet, which the audience applauded. They applauded calluses. That was weird. Bruno went super sexist, saying “I mean, you’ll never win the Nobel Prize, but you’re good to look at,” which led every audience member to gasp in disgust. I thought Carrie Ann was going to leap across the table and claw out his eyes (which I would’ve approved of). Tom just retorted “Neither will you.” Gotta love him! You could tell in the ballroom that EVERYONE was against them. Two 6s from Carrie Ann and Bruno, and two 5s.
- Michael & Peta-Salsa: #PetaPosse approves of her treating them both to facials after their hectic week, but once rehearsal started, I quickly became stressed. The lifts they were trying are great and all, until you drop the goddess among us on her head. My friend yelled at the TV “SHE NEEDS A HELMET!” The dance was a step back after last week’s improvement. He was super stiff and awkward, but you could clearly tell that is was all stemming from his nervousness about the lifts. Fortunately, Peta didn’t die. Unfortunately, Bruno thought it was stiff and Carrie Ann didn’t feel safe. Straight 6s from the judges.
- Riker & Allison-Salsa: Decorated to represent the Mexico pavilion at Epcot (Allegedly), they were sharp, full of musicality, and a ball of energy. They have definitely grown on me and provided us all with a fantastic dance…and then he ripped open his shirt. This is an open letter to all male contestants and professionals…I don’t need to see you all shirtless. Keeping on your shirts won’t lower your votes. Patti wore a sensible pant and no one is going to stop voting for her! #DWTSshirtsON2K15 Anyway, His arms and legs were both so sharp, with Len enjoying the flair. He did say they weren’t the best (but could be), which resulted in boos and his best comment ever “You can’t boo me if you’re under 70. Respect your elders!” Three 9s and a SEHVEN, (?!) from Len.
- Suzanne & Tony-Samba: “It’s my first time wearing my fruit hat in 30 years.” That settles it. I’m buying my own fruit hat tomorrow. Tony and her just seem to have one of, if not thee, most fun and comfortable partnership on the show this season. That partnership led to a fun and energetic dance with strong footwork, expect for one quick misstep in the middle. They danced to Copa Cabana, which reminds me how Suzanne and Barry surprised Kathy Griffin at her Palm Springs Walk of Fame ceremony! Anybody? Bueller? “Suzanne’s hat is part of a balanced diet” was one of Tom’s best lines of the night was the dance ended. Carrie Ann wanted more depth, Tony looked angry and confused at the comment, but Suzanne covered up the angst with some funny comments. Yet, Erin went and brought it up again in the Skybox (ERIN?!), which made it super awkward, especially for Suzanne, who was close to smacking Tony to shut him up. It was hella awkward. Three 6s and a SEHVEN, from Bruno.
- Chris & Witney-Tango: After Bruno’s comments were replayed from last week, seemingly from a tunnel (what was the echo effect for?!), Chris knew he had to come back better than last week’s danceastrophe. The projection work was amazing, but that wasn’t even the best part, since her came back guns a’blazing! Timing was there, footwork was on point, just wonderful. As Tim Gunn would say, they made it work! Julianne called him the comeback kid and Bruno saw sparks fly (Nope, that’s just Hilary Duff’s new single killing it. DWTS RECAP DANCE BREAK!). Straight SEHVENs from the judges.
- Robert & Kym-Rumba: Y’all, Robert LOVES this competition and he wants to win. He was in a ton of pain all week and didn’t care, because he wants to kick some butt and take some names. Also, him and Kym are SOOOO a thing, it’s not even hard to cover it up. That being said, their dance had so much chemistry, as Carrie Ann said, it makes you want to puke. I COULD HAVE said it better myself, Carrie Ann. His lines were good and bad, a mixture, but his feet were solid. The best part was Mr. Wonderful and Lori Greiner cheering him on from the sidelines, looking super happy for their buddy/mortal enemy. Carrie Ann did want him to have a better frame for Kym and Julianne said it was his best dance yet. Three SEHVENs and an 8, from Julianne.
- Patti & Artem-Cha Cha: It’s time for the Patti soundbite portion of the recap. “Lift me up where I belong.” “Let me stop lying, I’m gonna dance the sexy way.” “BYE FELICIA!” She’s the best. Her entire routine looked like it belonged at the Tipton Hotel, which is not an insult. She wore a fantastic light blue pant and rocked it out with some nice footwork and an exuberant personality. Best musicality of the entire cast. Carrie Ann wanted more “swagga” and Len wanted more content. She went up to the Skybox, was surrounded by shirtless men, then did her signature twinkle toes. How can you NOT vote for her?! Two 5s from Len and Julianne, and two 6s. (GROSS scores. GROSS.)
- Willow & Mark-Paso Doble: After a rough rehearsal for Willow, best described through a variety of groans and moans, she came out and killed it AGAIN. Wonderful lines, nice posture and footwork that was always in sync. The Fire and Ice theme was, once again, a fantastic Mark concept, showing he is one of the best pros the show has. Len said it’ll be a hard Paso to beat going forward and Bruno threw out every Hunger Games reference possible. Straight 8s from the judges.
- Noah & Sharna-Argentine Tango: After using a prosthetic arm, then not using the prosthetic arm, it looked like their hectic rehearsal may turn into a sloppy dance, but au contraire! Wonderful flicks, but they were no…
Strong movements and great musicality. He is killing it. Bruno said it was a miraculous partnership and Julianne said it was their best dance yet, especially thanks to Sharna’s choreography. As they made their way into the Skybox, Peta was so dang proud of her Aussie bestie. Two SEHVENs from Carrie Ann and Len, and two 8s. - Nastia & Derek-Samba: I do appreciate that they showed how Nastia has to work with Henry most of the week, since Derek is doing 10 shows a week with the Rockettes (10 shows a week is ridiculous. A usual Broadway show week is 8. So insane.) and he can’t always be with Nastia. The routine was nice, lots of flexibility and fluidity. However, here’s the thing, the crowd wasn’t as ecstatic for them as lower scoring duos. People, including me, are just bored. I don’t want to say she’s too good, especially since Meryl was amazing from Day 1, but maybe because Derek is tiring everyone…I’m not entirely sure, but I expect them to go home much earlier than their scores suggest. Two 8s from Len and Bruno, and two 9s.
Charlotte and Keo left us this week (thank the heavens), with Nastia and Riker ties for first and Patti in last place. This season there is no clear front runner and the ratings NEED to go up, because this season so deserves it. Such a week-to-week basis this year that makes it so fun to watch! Let me know your thoughts on this week’s dances and I’ll see you back here for Most Memorable Year week.
This week’s favorite dance spotlight goes to Melissa Joan Hart and Mark Ballas, who delivered the first ever Charleston on the show, and one of the overall best dances the show has ever seen. So much fun and such a grand ‘ole time. Check it out!