I’m happy to know that the death of the DCOM has brought in the rise of ChatGPT writing original films, because what even was The Rise of Red? The newest film in the Disney Descendants franchise takes a look at two new titular descendants as they go back in time to avoid the Queen of Hearts’ coup attempt in Auradon. Instead of the new cast bringing a sprinkle of camp and a dash of fun storytelling, we instead receive an absolute mess.
SPOILERS AHEAD
The crux of the film relies on ensuring that the Queen of Hearts isn’t pranked at the castlecoming dance. (I groaned when I heard it, too.) This one prank, apparently, led her down a fascist path resulting in her tyranny in Wonderland. Her daughter, Red, alongside Chloe Charming, Cinderella’s daughter, begrudgingly join up to ensure the prank doesn’t happen.
We come to find out the prank wasn’t even done by Cinderella, which the Queen of Hearts seems to believe. It was instead done by Hades, Hook, and other villains, including Ursula’s younger sister (?) after an abundance of flamingo cupcakes. So, the entire film is racing to put a stop to their evil prank to, in turn, stop fascism. Sure thing, chicken wing! Why not?!
Instead of the climax taking place within a large set piece, aka the ding dang castlecoming, it takes place inside an office. The villains attempt to grab a magic cookbook to find the perfect spell to ruin the Queen of Hearts. However, the book has protections on it, freezing those who attempt to open who aren’t good of heart. Obviously, when the villains open the book, they freeze instantly. So, like…if the prank did happen originally, wouldn’t they have frozen, too? So, who actually did the prank? And if the insinuated idea that Cinderella took part, how did she get to that conclusion, as she would never pull a prank for her own enjoyment?
Back to the climax, we see Red open the book no problem, showing she’s a good egg. They then travel back to the present, the Queen is now the most joyous she’s ever been, as we dance to a reprise. HUZZAH!
So, the movie builds to…an office. A basic, medium-sized office. The way this movie absolutely drops the ball is profound. A mediocre script, to say it kindly, falls further off a cliff with the ending. Letterboxd users are surmising that major rewrites and/or edits led to this nothing burger of an ending, which seems accurate. But then, actually rewrite? Don’t just cut and move on?
I truly can’t get over the office. I will never stop thinking about the office. You made the finale of your film set in an office. Heck, why not a cubicle? Magic cookbook? Make it a manual for your desktop you never opened, yet you keep “just in case”. Throw staplers instead of swords. Have the entire movie sponsored by Office Depot. Who cares?! It’s an office!
I promise I’m not a sequel purist. If a reboot is good, then party! I’m all for new interpretations and new stories within a world. When The Rise of Red was announced, I was looking forward to it. Descendants is a franchise I have enjoyed with songs that slap to this day. But what was this? Y’all, we’ve lost the plot. The real plot? Probably left in an office.
Descendants: The Rise of Red is now streaming on Disney+.