There are numerous reasons why this recap is late: scheduling, the knowledge that Doctor Odyssey is on break until March, and the topic being so insufferable that I needed ample time to comprehend just how ridiculous the ensuing 44 minutes were about to become.
Duck hunters have made their way on board the vessel. not literal ducks, but those who search for the rubber variety. Yes, the newest quirk of the cruise industry has been given its moment in the spotlight on national television as the “Quacker” community boards the Odyssey. This trend is 100% real and 100% insufferable. You know when people who own Jeep Wranglers cover their dashboards with rubber ducks as if to prove they have friends? Well, transport that to a cruise ship with QR codes and Facebook groups to log your finds. Captain Massey and Dr. Bankman are immediately over these duck lovers boarding the ship and I have to agree. Get a new hobby?
Personal annoyance aside, this episode says so little in its runtime, especially compared to the normal bajilion cases we’re used to each week. From the jump, LORETTA DEVINE and her husband board the ship as the head of the Quackers community. (Just typing that sentence made my insides squirm.) An intense list of duck-themed events are planned for the sailing, even if the Captain would rather throw himself overboard than partake in the rubber nonsense.
Also on board are Avery’s friends, including ADRIENNE WARREN, who are there to see their bestie in her element. Yet, her element is quickly shaken as she realizes that she’s pregnant. After some deducing, she knows that conception occurred during her threeway with Dr. Bankman and Tristan (even though they were wearing protection). Of course, this leads her into a mental crisis of trying to figure out next steps. Will she keep the baby? Does she care to know who exactly the father is? Will this stop her dreams of going to medical school? Who cares, ‘cause it’s duck time!
The entire crew are instructed on the rather insane rules of the duck hunt, including a single golden duck being worth five thousand dollars to the lucky individual who finds it. However, how can one hunt when every hour is a new duck-pun-based event for the guests to participate in? On top of that, the buffet dinner is seemingly only made up of duck. Like, truly? Get a life.
As LORETTA DEVINE and her husband start to walk down the buffet line, the husband sneaks a swallow of a metal coin (?!). Obviously, this leads to a big ‘ole medical emergency in the middle of a guest hallway. After rushing him to the infirmary, Dr. Bankman and Avery immediately start a procedure to remove the possible obstructions. What they find is a treasure trove of metal, heavy objects that he has ingested. While a serious psychological condition, LORETTA DEVINE tries to brush it off, keeping her idyllic, duck-focused life at bay.
While under observation, he once again has his blood pressure drop. Dr. Bankman, unfortunately, comes across one last obstruction that the duo missed previously: the $5000 golden duck. Can he still win the prize money if he ate it? Inquiring minds would like to know. LORETTA is dismayed and can’t stomach the idea of helping her husband during this bizarre fixation and mental condition, but finally succumbs and decides to exit the boat. (Not sure she really had a choice in leaving, but go off.)
After the sailing, Avery finally tells the boys about her pregnancy, and while Dr. Bankman goes super clinical with his response, Tristan takes the calm approach as he explains this is his third instance of on-board pregnancy paternity questioning. What a life that man leads! As we head into the winter break for the series, we’ll have to see what Avery’s next steps are in the new year.
Captain’s Orders:
- Vivian and Tristan flirt in the pool. They are surrounded by rubber ducks. They get bacterial conjunctivitis. Who cares.
- This episode felt like a lot of scenes were cut, as nothing really happens? With the case or with Avery? It felt like Don Johnson was over it, too, ‘cause that man barely showed up. Get that paycheck though, come on now!
- I am now all ducked out and hope to never see another duck again.