Where do two people on the run with stolen State Fair money hide? In a Hutterite colony north of the border in Canada. This week, a look back at a lost 90’s comedy Holy Matrimony.
Logline
Havana and Peter have just robbed the Sate Fair. Running from the law, Peter decides to take Havana to his family in a Hutterite colony in Canada, where he thinks they will be able to hide out from their crime. The only problem is that the police are onto them, and so is the FBI.
The colony is open to his return and Peter is especially welcomed back by his Uncle Wilhelm and his younger brother Ezekiel. The only problem is that the colony expects Havana and Peter to marry. Havana is less than thrilled by this but goes along with the idea. When Peter is killed in a freak accident, Hutterite tradition states that the brother, 12-year-old Ezekiel, is to ask Havana to marry him.
Wilhelm informs Havana that all she needs to do is to refuse and then she can leave the colony. Havana knows Peter hid the money somewhere on the grounds of the colony and accepts Ezekiel’s proposal. They marry, and while Havana is looking to find the money, she is soon charmed by her twelve-year-old husband.
Eventually, through Ezekiel’s insistence, the husband and wife return to the US to return the money. Battling crazed FBI Agent Markowski who is on their trail, Havana must decide her fate. Does she wish to steal the money from her trusting young husband, or will she take advantage of this new chance and change her life?
High Praise
Patricia Arquette is very funny. At first Havana is not the most likable character in the film, but Arquette’s charm and wit helps the audience care for Havana.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a breakout star of the movie. His youth and vigor as well as his raw talent is evident in Holy Matrimony. Gordon-Levitt is good in the film, and he is only getting started as his future career shows.
What Were They Thinking?
They killed off one of the main characters so early. Seeing Tate Donovan’s Peter being horribly killed in a fiery car accident is jarring, but also recalibrates the movie in a negative way. I liked Peter, he could have been saved and joined the road trip to return the money.
Armin Mueller-Stahl is a fabulous actor that is wasted in this film.
Courtney B. Vance should have been the FBI Agent chasing after Havana. Vance is a generational talent of unbelievable skill that was sidelined in this movie.
Backlot Knowledge
- This was Leonard Nimoy’s last film that he directed.
- This was Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s first theatrical film.
- In an interview on James Corden’s show in 2019, Arquette stated that when she kisses Gordon-Levitt it was his first kiss.
- The movie had been originally set up as a vehicle for Julia Roberts. When Roberts split up with fiancé Kiefer Sutherland and disappeared with Jason Patric, the film fell apart.
- Arquette and Nimoy were brought in after the Roberts debacle with the film reworked and brought back into production.
- The film was a box office disaster. Having been released in limited numbers, the movie was a box office bomb.
- Rod Janzen and Max Stanton, authors of the book The Hutterites of North America state that the film is very inaccurate in the depiction of Hutterite tradition. Levirate marriage, which is mentioned as the plot point for why Gordon-Levitt and Arquette get married does not exist in Hutterite tradition.
- The film has a 0% score on Rotten Tomatoes.
Critical Response
{Snub-Skip this Film, Overexposed-Desperate for Something to Watch, Clapper-A Perfect Film For Any Device, Magic Hour– You Must Watch This Film on a Big Screen, Award Worthy– This Film is Cinema.}
Holy Matrimony is not a good film. It has moments of joy, there is laughter scattered throughout, but this film was best left in the vault of Disney.
It’s not a terrible movie, and that is why Holy Matrimony gets the Overexposed Award. If you are desperate for something to watch, and you can track this film down, go ahead, but don’t cancel any of your plans to watch this movie.
Bill’s Hot Take
Hollywood should remember that sometimes when an actor’s personal life stops a movie production before it begins, perhaps producers and studio heads should take that as a sign that this movie should never be made.
Best Quotable Line
Ezekiel to his Uncle Wilhelm about the prospect of having to marry Havana. “But Uncle Wilhelm, I’m only 12 years old. I still hate girls. I would much prefer a frog.”
Call Sheet
- Patricia Arquette as Havana
- Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Ezekiel
- Armin Mueller-Stahl as Wilhelm
- Tate Donovan as Peter
- Courtney B. Vance as Cooper
- John Schuck as Markowski
Production Team:
Directed by Leonard Nimoy
Produced by Hollywood Pictures / Interscope Communications / PolyGram Filmed Entertainment
Written by David Weisberg / Douglas Cook
Release Date: April 8, 1994
Budget: $20 million
Domestic Box Office Gross: $713,234
Coming Attractions
‘Touchstone and Beyond’ returns on September 1, with a look back at the Tim Allen biker comedy, Wild Hogs.