Jim on Film: They Can't Do the Sum
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Jim on Film
They Can’t Do the Sum
by
Jim Miles

In Arthur Miller’s The Crucible, if Abigail says that she can’t pray, then it must be Goody Proctor bewitching her. If Lucille Ball, in her early 20s, identified herself as a Communist on an obscure document, then, as McCarthy supposed, she must be a pinko. If Ice Age is a big hit, it must be because nobody likes traditional animation anymore.

And so goes the great minds of the world.

I’m always fascinated with the mind of the Hollywood analysts and the Hollywood MBAs in charge of creativity. Their conclusions are always spot-on, and they can correctly analyze any piece of data even though they are completely unaware of the existence of logical fallacies.

There have been some favorite conclusions associated with Disney in recent memory. The latest comes from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. Because it only made $230 million after its first two weekends, it’s important to figure out what went wrong. Theories being tossed about are that people are getting tired of sequels or that people are waiting for the DVD. While the “wait and in two months it’ll be on DVD�? phenomena is certainly a problem Hollywood has created for itself, it seems like nobody is really looking at the big problem. Is it possible they screwed up in the making of the movie?

Not likely, of course.

People I know were psyched for Pirates 3, but when the movie gets horrible reviews and you know it’s three hours long, $30 million worth of people don’t see it on opening weekend. When everyone you know gives it a big thumbs down, you wait longer. Perhaps making a movie so confusing you wish you could repeatedly stop to page through the Cliff Notes before going on doesn’t inspire repeat attendance after all. Maybe an unsatisfactory conclusion might even prevent people from wanting to experience it again.

But that couldn’t really be the cause, could it?

I hope those Disney executives look at the positive—any movie that will gross at least $300 million domestically is a big success. I don’t want to be too derogative, because while it is not a great film by any means, it is fun and enjoyable if not completely comprehendible. I just hope Disney and those ever-present pundits draw the right conclusions from it. If they could get the story 100% right, I’d be willing to bet people would love to visit Jack Sparrow a fourth time.

One of my favorite stories of this bizarre analysis phenomenon was when there was talk of Disney testing the waters of traditional animation based on the reception to Enchanted. That sounds just like the sort of inspired planning an uber-inspired MBA would generate.

Now, I do think that reviewers, recently inundated with CGI marionette animation, will note the majestic return of classical Disney animation, but the actual success of the film will hardly hinge on the presence of animated book-ends. If the film is a success, it will probably have more to do with completely unrelated aspects—the script, the direction, the pacing, the actors, the music, the choreography, the overall quality of the film, the marketing campaign, the opening weekend competition, the reviews, its ability to appeal to audiences of all ages, any Oscar nominations, the weather in the Midwest, no drunken anti-Semitic tirades on the part of any big name involved. . . . The list could go on, and no one will really know the cause of Enchanted’s reception until it hits theaters and its success or failure is known.

If the film is a failure, it will also probably have more to do with aspects completely unrelated to the film’s animated book-ends—the script, the direction, the pacing, the actors, the music, the choreography, the overall quality of the film, the marketing campaign . . .Well, you get the idea.

But then, what do I know? I ain’t got an MBA.

I don’t want to imply that there aren’t a great number of intelligent and immeasurably talented people at Disney—no doubt a trickle-down effect from Donald Cook, who should be lifted on a chair and paraded down Disneyland to deafening cheers for all he’s down to steer Walt Disney Pictures’ live-action division back to its roots. Honestly, I don’t think I could possible say enough good things about him and the films he’s ushered through the system.

But somewhere along the way, we also have to acknowledge that there is some pretty bizarre thinking present. My Hollywood theory applies largely to other studios, but I know it must be present at Disney as well.