Greg Maletic: Disney's Biggest Theme Park Mistakes
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From Disney Vacation Club to Same Pricing for All Parks to Epcot itself, Greg Maletic gives his list of Disney's Biggest Theme Park Mistakes.
"Disney's Biggest Theme Park Mistakes"
It all started as my wife and I were walking back through Anaheim's
Downtown Disney last year, heading towards our room at the Disneyland Hotel. Not
for the first time, I noticed the iconic "Disneyland Hotel" red neon sign
missing, and an old sentiment re-awakened: "what moron decided to get rid of
that sign?" At the start of every Disneyland trip--short of seeing the
Matterhorn from Harbor Boulevard--was there anything more evocative than that
old sign?
Yeah, I know: there's some sort of Anaheim zoning regulation that precludes
giant neon signs illuminating a radius of several city blocks. Maybe Disney put
up a good fight in trying to keep the sign, but still...it seems like there are
alternatives that could have preserved the sign's essence while complying with
the regulation. Didn't anyone at Disney find that sign as special as I
did?
I didn't stop there. Riding a wave of righteous indignation, I
thought to myself: what other mistakes has Disney made? This list is the result.
Unlike the Disneyland sign fiasco, I decided to focus on what I consider to be
the big mistakes: genuine blunders that have cost the company not just millions
of dollars, but goodwill as well. (The "little" mistakes, like leaving that
ridiculous Epcot wand up for a decade, will get their own article soon
enough.) Be warned: I'm going negative here. And to keep my intentions
clear, I love the parks. I'm just sayin' there have been a few missteps along
the way.
In no particular order, here we go...
No Follow-Up to Pirates and Haunted Mansion
Pirates of the Caribbean and Haunted Mansion are the most famous
attractions at Disney parks. Pirates opened in 1967; Haunted Mansion in
1969. Ask people today what the best theme park ride is of all time and
it's likely they'll mention one of these two.
So it's with incredible confusion I ask: why hasn't Disney built any rides
even remotely like these two in nearly forty years? And by "like," I mean, long,
meandering, atmospheric rides. Don't get me wrong: I love the faster-paced rides
like Indiana Jones and Tower of Terror that have been the focus in recent
years. But what the heck is going on? The Disney filmmaking division
doesn't let a hit-making formula pass them by...why is this one sitting in the
Imagineering cellar gathering dust?
Hyper-Marketing, Part 1: The Disney Vacation Club
During a trip to Walt Disney World in 1996 I couldn't help but notice the
fantastically huge number of "Disney Vacation Club" signs, kiosks, and
information booths that had sprung up in every park and hotel. The sense of
being constantly marketed to in the parks isn't a completely new one, but the
omnipresent Vacation Club pitch took it to a new level. It's annoying and
obnoxious.
You'd think the fact that visitors to Disney parks have already willingly
trapped themselves in a non-stop ad for the company would demand a little
subtlety on Disney's part when they attempt to coax yet more dollars from them.
You'd be wrong. And with the addition of Vacation Club condominiums at
Anaheim's Grand Californian, the situation is very likely to be duplicated in
Disneyland. I can't wait.
The Disney Vacation Club Itself
I don't begrudge the idea of people wanting to own a part of the Disney
parks. I don't doubt that some people have had very nice vacations as a result
of the DVC, and gotten some good deals. But I question the result of letting
people both 1) feel like they do own the place, and 2) the resultant loss of
quality that comes from any vacation plan where your money is taken in advance,
the proprietor doesn't have to work for it, and in effect, is really hoping that
you won't even show up. The verdict is still out on whether the Disney Vacation
Club is truly a mistake, but I'm skeptical.
Hyper-Marketing, Part 2: Disney's Name on Absolutely
Everything
Is there anything more fatiguing that the constant use of the Disney name
on every single property/technology/concept that the company employs at its
theme parks? Does "FastPass" really have to be called "Disney's FastPass?" Does
the Grand Floridian have to be "Disney's Grand Floridian?"
In the case of the hotels I at least see the logic--the company wants to
distinguish between hotels it runs and hotels that it doesn't--but that doesn't
make it any less annoying. Or silly. It's naive to think that guests will
actually comprehend that there are hotels on Disney property that aren't run by
Disney. (How many guests understand that the Swan is not a Disney hotel because
it's called the "Walt Disney World Swan" rather than
"Disney's Swan?")
Here's a better idea that's a lot simpler: force the Swan and the
Dolphin to call themselves the Westin Swan and Dolphin. Then the Contemporary
can just be the "Contemporary Resort," "Disney's Polynesian" becomes the
"Polynesian," etc. Problem solved.