Bob Welbuam: But What About Collecting?
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Horror Story #3

One day a lady called S/R Labs. �Hello, Ron? My name is Helen Johnson. I�m Dr. Ralph Johnson�s wife, and I have a Pinocchio cel and it has some dirt on it and I want to know what to use to clean it.�

Ron tried to make an obvious point with a little joke. �Okay, hold it up to the phone and I�ll take a look.�

Mrs. Johnson was not amused. �Well, that�s very funny, Ron, but my husband is a surgeon at Syracuse University, and he suggested he bring home some ether, and I�ll remove it with ether. So that�s what I think I should do.�

Ron immediately replied �Mrs. Johnson, don�t do that, please!�

But there was a credibility problem. �That�s the answer, Ron. You just want to charge me some money. Thank you very much.� �Click� went the phone. Ron�s heart fell, because Mrs. Johnson was so sure that all he wanted to do was to make money off her.

Three days later, Mrs. Johnson called back. �Hello, Mr. Stark? This is Helen.�

Notice the change in tone. Also notice that Ron had miraculously become Mister Stark.

Ron talks to a lot of people, so it took him a few seconds to pull up the memory. �Oh, yes, Mrs. Johnson.�

�You can call me Helen.� (You do know what�s coming, don�t you? But it wasn�t payback, it was really sad.)

�What can I do for you, Mrs. Johnson?�

�Well, my husband, he�s Dr. Johnson from Syracuse University. He brought home that canister of ether. And I poured it all over my Pinocchio cel.�

Ron was dumbfounded. He wanted to be diplomatic, but all he could muster was �Uh��

�Well, Mr. Stark, it doesn�t look quite like itself.� (Duh!)

�How does it look?�

�Well, I don�t know how to describe it to you. It kind of looks like a Jell-O� ball.�

This was not the time for humor, and it was all Ron could do to keep from saying �I don�t restore Jell-O� balls.� Instead he apologized, telling her that unfortunately there was nothing he could do.

Mrs. Johnson�s final comment was a contrite �You have to tell people what a mistake I made.�

To which Ron immediately replied, �Trust me. I will.�

 

Now, you may have heard of Murphy�s Law: �Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.� And then there are those who think Murphy was an optimist! So if something does go wrong (usually at the worst possible time), don�t forget what you�ve just read. Help can be only a phone call away.

Horror Story #4

A recent customer, for whom Ron had just completed some restoration work on a Sleeping Beauty cel, called him back a few days later, and the conversation went something like this:

�Ron, I love what you did, but there is dirt on the cel.�

�Ted, there was no dirt on the cel when we sent it to you. I personally inspect every piece of art that goes out of the lab.�

�Well, yea, there is now, see, and, well, uh, I�m embarrassed.�

�Ted, what did you do?�

�Well, I�m so embarrassed, I� I��

�Don�t touch it, Ted. It�s okay, just tell me what happened.�

�Well, how can I say this? I sneezed.�

�Send it back, Ted. I�ll wipe Aurora�s nose for you.�

 

When you see a spec of dirt on anything, there is a natural, almost instinctive temptation to wet your finger with your mouth and rub the item with your wet finger. But think about that: the moisture in your mouth is saliva. What�s saliva�s purpose? It�s to help you digest food. Saliva breaks down protein and vegetables, and otherwise helps prepare what you eat for further processing in the stomach. So whatever you do, don�t get your saliva anywhere near your valuable collectibles!