It’s time. We’ve waited all year to return back to the land of sequins, illegal lifts, and the coveted mirrorball trophy. However, this year we enter the ballroom as part of television history. Disney+ now is home to the Dancing with the Stars, making it the first ever live series in streaming history.
Along with the historic network move comes some other fun changes, like no commercials (!), the return of the Skybox (thank the waltzing gods), and new co-host Alfonso Ribeiro being added to the fray. (Witney Carson Hive, unite!) Amidst the new is our beloved series that is now in its 31st season, ready to continue its tradition of showcasing some exceptional talent from places you’d never expect.
The talent we do expect, however, is from the exceptional cast of professional dancers we have come to adore since the show’s premiere in 2005. The show’s opening, bi-coastal, Disney-centric opening number had me on the verge of tears. I just love…art? Oh, and fringe. (And Ezra Sosa, but that’s another story.)
Jordin Sparks and Brandon Armstrong – Cha Cha – There is precedent for Idol contestants to win the mirrorball trophy. Kellie Pickler won with Derek Hough a few years ago, so Jordin’s first dance gives us reason to believe that she has a shot at taking the trophy herself. Len loved how gimmick-free the performance was, but Derek and Bruno told her to work on her foot placement going forward. All-in-all, an exceptional first dance for Jordin and the season as a whole.
Judges Scores: 7 – 6 – 6 – 7
Sam Champion and Cheryl Burke – Foxtrot – From the opening package, Cheryl’s biggest message was to ensure Sam kept his frame during the entire dance. Frame is essential in the ballroom. Did he keep his frame? No he did not. However, whilst stiff, his footwork was not half bad. Above the waist? A real problem. Below the waist? Stronger than one would expect. Derek points out his timing issues (especially in a slower dance like this), while Carrie Ann appreciated his tenderness in the performance.
Judges Scores: 5 – 5 – 5 – 5
In between the dances and the scores, the TROUPE has seemingly replaced the commercials by creating mini-performances throughout. This is important to me, as I am in love with Ezra Sosa. I am sorry for the thirsting and obsession that you will continue to witness all season long.
Heidi D’Amelio and Artem Chigvintsev – Cha Cha – Y’all, she knows how to move. She has childhood dance experience. You can clearly tell she has an understanding of the steps, but she needs (as Bruno said) to add the confidence and “intention” to make the dances successful. Heidi knows she has frustration and confidence issues, even claiming she thought about quitting
Judges Scores: 6 – 6 – 6 – 6
Daniel Durant and Britt Stewart – Tango – Daniel said “I have a SAG Award and my movie won Best Picture, so let me slay the ballroom next.” He was sharp throughout, his frame was confident, and his lines were strong. The judges not only praise his clear dance ability, they can see that he has a strong focus to work on perfecting his performances. I can totally see him following in Nyle’s footsteps towards a win. I’m definitely in the Durant fan club.
Judges Scores: 7 – 6 – 7 – 7
Jessie James Decker and Alan Bersten – Cha Cha – This was…interesting. Alan sort of just pushed her around the stage, but not in an awful way? It reminded me of a great performance…of your high school teachers during the homecoming pep rally. Len liked the performance level, but he comments on her leg placement and how she needs to work on making them straight. It was giving C-List Cheryl & Drew Freestyle from Season 3.
Judges Scores: 5 – 5 – 5 – 5
Teresa Giudice and Pasha Pashkov – Tango – The queen table flipper is here with a rhinestone turkey. I love this performance for how it took 45 minutes to flip a table before the content even began. Bruno wants to see, once again, intention throughout her dancing. She looked like a bedazzled bucket of cold cuts on that stage, so yeah, maybe intention would benefit her performances going forward. Len notices she lost focus halfway through, which is nice for him.
Judges Scores: 5 – 5 – 5 – 5
Wayne Brady and Witney Carson – Cha Cha – This is going to be a perfect pair. A perfect pair! Witney knows from the jump that he’ll need to work on his frame and opening up his hips, but like, name a better teacher. Their performance had such musicality, which everyone loved, but the judges want to make sure that the technique is just as visible with every performance. Wayne is in tears, he did his grandmother proud. Whose Line is it Anyway? Honey, it’s Wayne!
Judges Scores: 7 – SEHven – 7 – 8
Cheryl Ladd and Louis Van Amstel – Cha Cha – LOUIS IS BACK?! Huzzah! Also, her name in the Charlie’s Angels logo is my brand. Cheryl’s footwork the entire number was lovely. She wanted to hit her marks and she did! Carrie Ann argued it was almost too easy for her, while Len said that she was a smidge timid. I think I love Cheryl? A lot? The low scores made me sad, m’kay? And I am ready to fight the judges?
Judges Scores: 6 – 5 – 5 – 5
Vinny Guadagnino and Koko Iwasaki – Salsa – Koko is new and gorgeous and talented. Oh, Vinny is here, too. His performance was…hmmm. The first thing out of Len’s mouth? “I don’t get it.” I am in love with the bravery of being that brazen. Bruno was proud that, wait for it…he finished the dance. That’s it. Not a single move, just happy he finished. Carrie Ann said he let Koko do all the work and then sort of called him a dumb gym bro? Yeah, my guys.
Judges Scores: 4 – 4 – 5 – 4
Shangela and Glen Savchenko – Salsa – Off the bat giving Shangela’s preferred pronouns? On Disney+? YES GAWD. Honey, this performance came out of the box and was great. Derek wants the footwork to be a bit refined. It was the perfect combination of content and her personality. No eight? Insane and rude.
Judges Scores: 7 – SEHven – 7 – 7
Trevor Donovan and Emma Slater – Quickstep – Trevor’s biggest fear is dance and he looks like the real Buzz Lightyear. The routine is playing up his innate fear of dancing, but he was good. Was he the greatest of all-time? No, but he did a solid job! They never stopped moving and Emma gave him content to perform, but he really delivered. Emma choreographed a LIFT?! Oh goodness. Len said he was hectic and needed to be calmed down going forward.
Judges Scores: 5 – 5 – 5 – 6
Gabby Windey and Val Chmerkovskiy – Jive – Val says she has spaghetti arms, which worries them both. While her arms weren’t perfect, her legs were everything. The extensions were clear and present, while the footwork was exceptional for the evening. Derek says it was the best of the night, while Bruno says “First jive, first class.” No notes, just FUN.
Judges Scores: 7 – SEHven – 7 – 7
Joseph Baena and Daniella Karagach – Jive – His Jive hops are some of the weirdest movements I’ve ever seen in the ballroom. It’s like he was wearing moon shoes the entire performance, which is not what you expect to see on DWTS? Len said he enjoyed his performance level, but that he desperately needs to work on his feet going forward.
Judges Scores: 6 – 5 – 6 – 6
Jason Lewis and Peta Murgatroyd – Cha Cha – Samantha’s young boo from Sex and the City in the ballroom is important to me. Hot people are essential to the enjoyment of DWTS. He counted the dance openly and clearly the entire number, his musicality was non-existent, he was frequently dancing on his heels. Carrie Ann wants him to breathe, while Len flat-out said “it is what it is.” Way harsh, Tai.
Judges Scores: 5 – 4 – 4 – 5
Selma Blair and Sasha Farber – Viennese Waltz – Selma and Sasha are neighbors? What a twist! I cried. I have a friend to be a witness, I cried. It was beautiful. It was technically wonderful AND emotionally wonderful. Carrie Ann cried, Len loved the whole thing, over half the skybox was weeping…it’s an all-timer of a dance. Nothing cruel about her intentions, honey.
Judges Scores: 7 – SEHven – 7 – 7
Charli D’Amelio and Mark Ballas – Cha Cha – Mark Ballas is back, y’all. Choreographer extraordinaire, right there! Of course, she did a phenomenal job. We expected this, but it didn’t make it any less great. Carrie Ann loved the nuance in her skill, Len was over-the-moon for the entire thing. She was savage, dolls. Pun intended.
Judges Scores: 8 – 8 – 8 – 8
Yet, after all the premiere fun, it’s time to eliminate the first couple. It seems brutal to start the season this way, but I am not a producer. I have been repeatedly told I am not a producer.
The bottom two are Jason & Peta and Teresa & Pasha. With Carrie Ann, Derek, and Bruno all unanimous in their decisions, Jason & Peta leave the show night one. It seems rude? I’m angry? We deserve more Peta at all times.
Until next week, BA BA DA BA BA BA BA, BA BA DA BA BA!