It’s Michael Buble night. Officially, this is the blandest theme the show could ever give us. Just typing out the phrase “Michael Buble night,” my computer auto-bought me a Cricut and opened me an Etsy shop to sell personalized beer koozies. We’ll see how the night goes, but y’all, I’m bored at the thought, but let’s get into it, I think? Michael is a guest judge and Tyra looks better than ever. Let’s go!
Shangela and Gleb Savchenko – Tango – Honey, Shangela’s dance last week? I have watched it 3000 times over. I was worried she wouldn’t be able to give us that style twice in a row, but darlings, she killed it. Her frame was stunning, Len loved the content, and all the judges said it was her best dance yet. She promised crispy legs and she served them (in the dance and in literal chicken). Tyra eating bra-chicken is the greatest thing I’ve watched on television this year.
Judges Scores: 9 – 9 – 9 – 9 – 9
Trevor Donovan and Emma Slater – Foxtrot – He received all eights last week, but he’s pining for nines and tens. I’m Team Trevor all the way, as his technique has improved exponentially. Emma wants his confidence to show throughout the full number, which has been a fault of his during this competition. The elegance was ever-flowing tonight, with Bruno loving his smoothness. Carrie Ann finally saw elbows that were spread out! Huzzah!
Judges Scores: 9 – 8 – 8 – 8 – 9
Gabby Windey and Val Chmerkovskiy – Rumba – Her hips. Her HIPS. The emotion was present, the romance was visible, and the drag across the floor was iconic. Derek’s first word was “excellent,” which is so true. She just does a great job. Bruno needed oxygen, highlighting her shapes. Carrie Ann said it wasn’t as good as last week’s, but enjoyed seeing the focus shift in her eyes. Len made a phenomenal “Home” pun and I adore him.
Judges Scores: 9 – 9 – 9 – 9 – 10
Vinny Guadagnino and Koko Iwasaki – Cha Cha – Vinny was bad. Really bad. Painfully bad. The boy messed up a lot. He is trying. Len said it best: “I don’t like to say it, but Vin, it was a mess.”
Judges Scores: 7 – SEHven – 8 – 7 – 7
Jordin Sparks and Brandon Armstrong – Foxtrot – As my friend said, Jordin was radiant tonight. Radiant! Her best dance yet. Carrie Ann loved her dance interpretation, but wants her to watch her arm in hold have more tension. Len loved it, because it was classic and filled with content. I genuinely wasn’t sure if Jordin would make it this far, as her initial dances were quite forgettable. Yet, Jordin has turned into a technically great and wonderfully engaging dancer. I want her on my heart…just like…a tattoo.
Judges Scores: 9 – 8 – 9 – 8 – 9
Derek and his fiancée then performed a sexy number in the skybox and on the ballroom floor that had some incredible production design and camera work. Michael Buble performed live, Ezra stole my heart once again, and I could smell the Outstanding Choreography Emmy the moment it ended. It’s maybe the greatest performance in the show’s history.
Charli D’Amelio and Mark Ballas – Foxtrot – She’s worried about her own elegance. It was so elegant that Eureka O’Hara was sitting in the ballroom with their mouth open the entirety of the dance. It was so silky smooth. Michael Buble called it “erotic” and Carrie Ann’s face was shocked and disgusted all at once. Girl, me too! The performance sent Bruno into dance ecstasy. Derek said it was the greatest foxtrot he’s ever seen on the show. Carrie Ann said it was a masterpiece. I am in the pocket of the Charli & Mark partnership. In the words of Kathy Griffin, if they asked me to eat their poo, I’d ask “what time?”
Judges Scores: 10 – 10 – 10 – 10 – 10
Heidi D’Amelio and Artem Chigvintsev – Samba – I’m not positive why, but it felt that (my friend’s word) she was marking it. It wasn’t full out. Her emotion has gone down as the competition has gone on, which is bizarre. Her technique is still there, but she needs to have fun! Bruno wants fun! Derek wants her to scream words to let go! Carrie Ann…thought she was having fun? I did not see what she saw, kids. Len loved the *shocking* CONTENT. He threatened to show his bum in the supermarket if she’s in the bottom two. Okie.
Judges Scores: 9 – 9 – 10 – 9 – 9
Wayne Brady and Witney Carson – Quickstep – Wayne has felt ill during the rehearsal process, diagnosed as exhaustion. He started rehearsing FRIDAY. That’s sketchy. There were clear moments where you could tell the mess-ups were present. Derek said the performance was hoppy, not gliding across the floor as needed during the quickstep. It’s always a bummer to see a front runner fumble like this, but Carrie Ann gave some constructive criticism about working on synchronicity going forward.
Judges Scores: 8 – 9 – 10 – 8 – 9
Jessie James Decker and Alan Bersten – Salsa – This is the most ok-est I’ve ever felt about Jessie! I think the marathon win was the vote of confidence she needed to push through. She was having fun, dancing full-out, and giving the energy we deserved. Carrie Ann said it was too bouncy for a salsa, Derek said her arms were flailing, but the judges all were happy to see her happy.
Judges Scores: 8 – 8 – 9 – 8 – 8
Ezra danced a samba beautifully. That is all.
Daniel Durant and Britt Stewart – Foxtrot – Daniel doing badly stresses me out. His tenth place finish last week was not something that sat well with me last week, kids. Luckily, this was a glorious return-to-form! He was interpreting the music beautifully. Carrie Ann was glowing, highlighting his ability to correct effortlessly his tempo issue mid-dance. Len wants to see a smidge more rise-and-fall in the foxtrot. I am always in love with this duo.
Judges Scores: 9 – 8 – 9 – 8 – 9
Our bottom two, after a week of Mr. Michael, are Trevor & Emma and Jessie & Alan. After a close call, the judges saved Trevor, sending home Jessie James Decker & Alan Bersten. Was this expected? Yes, eventually. However, not before VINNY. I am so sick of Vinny. I am livid. Anyway, see y’all next week for Halloween. (The best treat I could receive? Vinny going home.) BA BA DA BA BA BA BA BA BA DA BA BA!