As we hit the yearly influx of awards ceremonies, nominations, and best of lists, I wanted to dive into the minutiae of “performance” as a concept. What is the “best” performance? Why must the awarded “best” always be for a complete performance and not the specifics? Why must “all” “performances” be wholly “good”? These are the questions that have kept me up at night. Below are the first ever “LP Best Walt Disney Company Performances of the Year, Which is 2023″.
- Best Animated Couple – Ember and Wade from Elemental – Stay with me on this one: Remember in 2009 when New Fantasyland was announced for Disney World? Most of the initial announcements were all “experiences,” like “Enchanted Tales with Belle“. In that same vein, I would like to attend the wedding of Ember and Wade. I don’t care to elaborate at this time.
- Best Award Show Banter – Janelle James and Quinta Brunson from Abbott Elementary – The SAG Awards “I’m an Actor” opening speeches have become the traditional open for the yearly ceremony. However, James and Brunson brought their own delightful twist to the proceedings. (Remember when Janelle James hosted an ABC game show about pulling things from a giant tower? Weird.)
- Best Earnest Performance of a Song – Joshua Bassett & HSMTMTS Cast on “Love You Forever” – When the kids of Miss Jenn’s Drama Department at East High open their mouths, I cry. Maybe it’s because I have spent four seasons with them. Maybe it’s the beauty of their voices. Maybe it’s pure jealousy. We’ll never know! (EDIT: Marshal’s therapist would like to confirm it’s jealousy.) Regardless, the final song of the series was a beautiful end to a beautiful show. The sincerity in everyone’s voice, especially Bassett, as the harmonies and growing energy bubbling underneath start coming to the surface? Perfection.
- Best Performance in a Prestige Drama Whilst Also Using a Musical Instrument – Kelvin Harrison Jr. in Chevalier – This tale of a forgotten 18th century composer, Joseph Bologne, is a wonderful jewel box of a film. The period detail surrounding this incredible story of a musical prodigy in the time of Mozart is riveting. Harrison shines in this part, adding the perfect amount of snark to remain an individual, yet still a figure we want to root for. However, how DARE Mr. Harrison Jr. be an incredible actor and add an instrument to the mix. Pick one or the other, sir. My small ego can’t watch that much talent and not feel bad about myself.
- Best Performance of a Bridge – Ariana DeBose on “This Wish” – The gasp that I gasped was a larger gasp than anyone has ever gasped before. When DeBose’s gorgeous voice tackles the bridge to “This Wish” as Asha comes to terms with the knowledge of King Magnifico’s evil plans, I armadillo'd into a ball and rolled out of the theater. It was so propulsive! It was soaring! It was filled with drive! I don’t know a better bridge. I don’t know a better bridge!
- Best Performance of a Mid-Atlantic (?) Accent in a Motion Picture – Tina Fey in A Haunting in Venice – Was it flawless? No, of course not. New Hepburn siblings aren’t popping up out of the ground. However, Fey tackling the sounds of the 1940s was a joy to watch. As a TCM lover, you know she got the script and was like “By god, I’m doing a voice!” and I love her for that.
- Best Performance of a Song from The Lion King: The Gift – “MY POWER” on Beyonce’s Renaissance Tour – I’m not sure Queen Bey can create something that isn’t instantly iconic at this point in her career. This summer’s Renaissance tour was no exception. However, when my obsessive self saw that she was performing my favorite song off of The Lion King: The Gift nightly as a part of the setlist? And her daughter Blue Ivy was crushing alongside her? Ah, that’s history.
- Best Performance of a Song That Technically Doesn’t Exist – Halle Bailey on “For The First Time” – Canonically, this song doesn’t exist! It’s all in her head! This entire number is part memory play, part “it’s all a dream,” part reason to rotate my hips to the beat. And what did Halle do? Eat. No crumbs. No kelp. Nothing. Heck, she asked for seconds. She went hard and, for that, we must be grateful…and also ask it be added to a fireworks show or something, thanks so much.
- Best Puzzle “Solving” Performance – Paula Abdul on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune – She knows the buzz is coming. She knows she doesn’t know the puzzle. She proceeds to make the attached noise. Put this in the MoMA.
- Best Voice Over Performance to Induce Tears – Bradley Cooper as Rocket in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 – So you’re telling me, Cooper had to go into a booth, lay down dialogue for the final Guardians movie, and was told “Alright, you’re going to be abused to such a degree that we need deep, guttural whimpers and whines. Also, could you be like ‘HURTS.’ but in a really sad way that can make me cry, like, right now? BTW, how’s Maestro comin’ along?” and we’re just all supposed to carry on with our lives? Forever changed.