As he drove up to the Magic Castle on the hill above Franklin Avenue in Hollywood, Michael Eisner was rehearsing his address to the Dark Order of Disney Villains and Cads (DOODVAC) going over the long list of reasons he should be inducted into their hall of fame. After all, thought Eisner, he had been the worst thing to happen to the company since the artists strike of 1941. He had been vilified and denounced for the better part of a decade now, and been the subject of more spleen-letting commentaries than anyone in Hollywood since Harry Cohen ran Columbia.

The legend goes that at Harry Cohen’s well attended and star-studded funeral, Danny Kay remarked “See, if you give people what they want they’ll show up!�?

“Well,�? thought Eisner, “I’ll give Hollywood something to show up for! I’ll make them hate me for good reason! I’ll become the greatest Disney villain in all of history! I’ll unseat Chernobal or whatever that devil on the mountain is called, I’ll be bigger than him. Yeah!!!! They’ll make a rubber-head of me to walk around the parks and scare children! They’ll never forget me, ever!!! I’ll be on t-shirts and purses and have figurines made of me, and action figures! Oh, oh,oh..I’ll be added to Fantasmic! Score!�?

As a bevy of Goons screeched off from the valet stand in his SUV hybrid, Michael Eisner approached the stained glass front doors of the Magic Castle and entered the small, dark lobby. He was greeted at the front desk by Madame Medusa.

“Are you a member?�? She muttered.

“No, I’m here to have lunch with the DOODVAC Membership Committee�?

“Name?�?

“You don’t know me? I was your boss at one time!�?

“Oh�? said the fiery red-head, “Card Walker, you devil, you’ve nearly gone bald!�?

“No, I’m Michael Eisner!�?

“Esiner, Eisner….Snoops! Get in here,�? she barked. “Snoops will help you.�?

“Oh, uh, hello…I, hey, aren’t you …�?

“Yes, I’m Michael Eisner.�?

“Oh, I though you were Prince Farquaad. No, I guess you’re too tall. So, what do you want?�?

“I’m here to have lunch with-“ and before he could finish, the bookcase on the opposite wall slid aside, and from the hallway beyond the distinct ticking of a clock could be heard. As Michael and Snoops stared into the dark on the other side of the paneling, a large, plump crocodile rounded the corner.

“Oh, Croc, can you show Martin-“

“It’s Michael�?

“Michael…yeesh…to the parlour, please? Just follow the crocodile.�?

Climbing the steps up to the second story, Michael was struck with the idea to franchise the Magic Castle and put one in every park around the world, when it dawned on him that he no longer had the power to do this. Nevertheless, he could change all of that once he became supreme Disney Bad Boy and took his rightful place in the hall of shame.

The Croc stopped just short of the ornate double doors leading into the conference room. The sign read “No Man-Eating Reptiles Beyond This Point�?, and Michael turned to catch the gaze of a huge python hanging in the rafters.

“sssssSo, you’re here for-ah-Lunch, hmmmm?�? the python’s eyes hypnotized the smartly dressed ex-executive, spinning his pupils into rings of blue and green. “Well, I hate to dine alone, sssssssSo, why don’t you have a sssssssssSeat right here with ah-me?�?